I got laid off, y'all. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Welcome to Renovating the Soul, where we turn the mess into something meaningful. Whether this is your first time here or you're returning, I am so glad that you have joined me today. I hope that you find something that you can take away and apply to your life. Here at Renovating the Soul, we believe that your soul is your home, so you should make it a place you want to live. And we strive to build a stronger foundation for who you're meant to be. If you're new here, you probably would wouldn't notice this. But if you're returning, you may have noticed that I have been a little absent this year. Um, that was not the plan. Yeah, that was not in my plans. When I said in the intro that I got laid off, I'm not talking about like four or five years ago about to tell y'all an old story and then give y'all some encouragement. It is September 2025. I got laid off in February 2025. Yes. So I was a part of the government mass layoffs, and it was absolutely devastating. Um, this is my first time ever being laid off, fired, let go from a job. I've been working since I was 16, and so it was very heartbreaking, but it was heartbreaking, not just because we were getting laid off, but for several different reasons. Number one, this was the longest job that I have had. I was at GSA for almost five years. So, yes, I worked for General Services Administration. Um, I was there for five years. I had climbed the ladder, so to speak. And so I had just gotten what's called my warrant to be able to work on my own leasing projects. And I guess let me explain what I used to do for the government. Um, I was a realty specialist, that's what I came in as. Got my job back in 2020. I did the leasing and contracting for on behalf of other federal agencies. And so if you just think of a federal agency, we would actually do the leases and the construction and the maintenance for the physical buildings that they were housed in. And I really liked it. It it was a job that I knew nothing about, didn't know it existed, didn't know what GSA was, just happened to get this job, you know, fell in my lap, went through the interview process, got the job, and really loved it, and decided that I was going to put my best foot forward and do the best that I could. And I believe that I that I did that. And so this was this was the first job that I could see myself at long term because there were so many opportunities within the government. And I was planning on being there for at least 10 years so that I can get them student loans paid off. Okay. And I was almost there. I did it would have been five years in November. And the reason why, I think people need to understand, like the reason why the government mask layouts were such a big deal for employees as well, because outside looking in, it can look like, man, they're just whining, they're complaining. But a federal job is supposed to be one of the most secure jobs that you can have in America. It when you get into the federal government, it's very hard to get let go from the federal government. Now, that could be a pro and a con. Okay. We won't we won't go too much more in detail. Um, but that could be a good thing or a bad thing for people like me who are working hard, who are doing their job, it is a good thing. Um, but it it's it again, the federal government, the federal job is supposed to be one of the most stable jobs. And so when whispers started going around after the election was over that there were going to be these mass layoffs and these, you know, shutdowns and these, you know, what reductions in force, people were telling us because I've only been again for the in the government for four years, but you have people 20, 30 years who have been through, you know, so many presidents, and they were like, it can't happen this fast, it's not gonna be so soon. And let me tell y'all, okay, there's gonna be a lot of little lessons in this, and I hope you can pick up on them. Never say what cannot happen. The only person that had consistently told me that if things wanted to get done, they could get done, was my husband. And he was like, I don't know why you keep accepting that things can't get done if they wanted to get done. Because, and he was telling me that because throughout my time at GSA, I've been trying to make changes or just give feedback on certain things, and I kept being told, oh, the government's so slow, they can't do that that fast, they can't da-da-da-da. So when this happened, he was like, See, he wasn't rubbing in my face, he was just like, See, I told you, like, when things want to get done, they can't get done, you know. And and yes, I learned that. But the layoff didn't just hurt because you know, I had been there for so long and put in my time and um, and really I wasn't there as long as other people, but I was there, I was there a long time to me and my job history, and I planned to be there for a long time again, something that I didn't see anywhere else that I was or just didn't seem as feasible in other jobs um that I had been in. But it also hurt because the benefits like this job shifted our family and helped us because I got this job right when Quincy and I made the decision that he would go back for his master's in math and I would go back to work. I was a stay-at-home mom before I was at GSA. And so getting the job at GSA provided stability, benefits. And because I was at the four-year, almost five-year mark, my leave time changed and I got different kinds of perks for being there for for, you know, you know, as you do with mini jobs when you're there a certain number of years, things shift. And so I had really built up my annual leave bucket, my um, what was the other one? Sick leave bucket, and you get unlimited sick leave with the government. So I had built up those buckets and um was really excited because the federal government, you had to take your annual leave. You cannot carry it over. And so I had built up a good amount and I was like, yes, I'm gonna have Christmas off, like just certain little things, right? That I was looking forward to, but I was really proud of how I built up my leave. Um, and I was able also to do that because I had two babies while at GSA. Um, and the the paid parental leave was amazing. And so there were just so many things. There were also several opportunities that I was looking forward to taking because this was gonna be the first year that I was not pregnant. So I was really excited that I didn't have to take three months off, that I could just go full throttle. And again, I had just gotten my warrant. So, what that meant for me was that before getting my warrant, I had to work underneath other project leaders. I'm just gonna use those layman terms. And so I had to do things their way, even if I didn't like it, I had to do it their way. Um, it's kind of like a glorified assistant, is what I started calling it. And then finally getting my warrant and becoming a contracting officer meant that I got to lead the path. That meant that when people worked under me, I was gonna be able to um do a better job than I felt like was done with me or pick up on the certain things that the people I did learn from and like um I could take carry that over into how I treated the people that I worked with. I hadn't gotten to that point. I was only doing solo projects, which I really loved. Um, and so I was just excited for that. Also at GSA, it's a big federal agency, it's not as large as some of the others, but it's a decent size. And I had gone through several different managers and personality types, and that was a struggle because there was good and there was bad. Okay, we're not gonna sugarcoat. There was good and there was bad. And so after having to work through so many different personalities, like four, three or four different managers, and finally landing to a manager that I got along with that was that knew how I like to go after opportunities. So she would bring me opportunities that listened to my frustrations, that kind of held the same values and beliefs as me when it came to our work at GSA, um, was just amazing. And we didn't even get to work together that long. Like I was so mad. So when I say that we were frustrated and crying, it was like going in phases for the two weeks because let me actually go back and explain this a little better. So we when we found out about the layoffs, we uh had one week's notice to decide if we were going to take what was called like a resignation offer or stay on and deal with like all of the changes, but risk your job and risk you know not having you know almost any pay or anything like that, not having your benefits continue, etc. etc. And so they gave us one week to decide that, but then the union spot on behalf of those of us who were covered by the union, which I was, and they were able to it it paused in the court, so then there was like an extra week or maybe just an extra couple days, I don't fully remember, but it was about two weeks. I know we were like in limbo. Um, and then once the courts found that they could do the layoffs, then things changed. So that's what I mean by it was a very like up and down two weeks where a lot of people were trying to figure out what decision they were gonna make. And even if you're looking at me and you're going, girl, you were only there for years, your husband's getting his PhD, like, you know, you you should be okay. Think about the other people that were there 20, 30, 40 years who had dedicated their lives to federal service, who you know, whose families relied on them, whose spouses could no longer work, um, people who during their time there were in marriages and now they weren't, so now they're the sole provider for themselves and their children. I mean, just so many different scenarios. I knew people who had spouses who were sick and people who were the primary breadwinner for their family, and to have years, double-digit years of your work, you know, just kind of thrown to the side is really heartbreaking. And it was more heartbreaking to see that for those who had been there longer than it was for myself. Um, I did cry for myself for sure, because again, what I was trying to say before was that in those two weeks, different aspects of what I was losing kept coming to my mind. And so one day it would be, oh man, I was working so hard to climb this ladder. Another day it would be dang the benefits, you know, the medical, the dental, everything that was taking care of us as a family. Like another day it would be the relationships that I built with my coach. I had a coach at GSA, and my coach, shout out to Queen, got me through my time at GSA. We didn't just talk about work, we talked about family, we talked about um friends, we we talked about everything and the self-development was like number one, but we talked about a lot, and she really got me through a lot. And I've already shared with you all that therapy didn't work for me. So when coaching did, that was what was my therapy was coaching. The format was exactly what I needed. And boy, it is actually one of the reasons I started this podcast was through those through that coaching session, figuring out that I needed to leverage my passions on the side and having that conversation with my coach. And so just thinking about though, again, those relationships, those the things that I was gonna be losing, the um just everything, everything that I was excited for. I did a lot in my short time there. I joined a lot of leadership things. I completed a um leadership program with the Oregon Federal Executive Board, and then from that I became the uh acting deputy administrator for the Oregon Federal Executive Board, got to do a little detail with them for a few months, which is a which is a big deal for me. Um I got to go to the National Training Institute for Blacks in Government. It was virtual that I got to go to. And then after that, we were asked to put together and put a presentation. Myself and one colleague, we were asked to put together a presentation about our experience. That opened up the door for other colleagues to go in the later years to the NTI. Um, I was on just more recently, was on a training council where we were actively making the federal government, making GSA and leasing specifically more efficient, bringing it in more to the times, automating some of our systems. We had literally just automated one of our longer lease processes, and I was so pumped for that because it we we used to have to deal with pages, pages of um leases. So that's just you know a snippet of like some of the things that I was really looking forward to, and then having to, you know, realize that man, it's gone just like that. Like when we're literally in the middle of projects or having projects to discussions, I'm actively talking to less stores, I'm actively talking to agencies one day, and then the next day they're like, Y'all ain't even gonna be here in like a week or two. Crazy, crazy, because one of the first things they told us was that we will be going back into the office full time, and I was like, Cool, I'm not gonna complain about that. We were only in the office once a week. I was like, I'm not gonna complain about that because at least I have a job. That was the first phase, and they were like, you know, that get get ready, we're coming back. And then it was but psych so, anyways, yes, I got laid off. So here's where things took a turn for me was that when I was trying to figure out what I was going to do next, I was sitting there staring at LinkedIn, I was chatting with Chat GBT, and Chat GBT is telling me jobs that I could go into, and I'm like, nope, nope, nope, nope. And I'm staring at LinkedIn and I'm like scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I don't want to go into real estate, I don't really want to do leasing, it's not something that I've been passionate about. And my thing was I did not want to climb another ladder or get used to another set of managers and personalities and people just to be in the same position that I'm in in a few years. I so desperately wanted to be in a position where I could control the outcome, someplace that would lead me to working on my own, which is what I've always wanted to do. An industry, a field that had endless possibilities. And that was something that I was passionate about. That was in something that I could do if for the rest of my life, for the rest of my life, somewhere where I could bring everything, bring all of me, and not stifle my growth and not have to um push certain things about me to the side. Um, because I came into GSA letting them know that I had passions outside of GSAs, public speaking, I was really creative, presentations, um, events. I let them know that like that's the creative and the passionate side about me. And they were, oh, we're gonna make room for that, we're gonna make room for that. And of course, things happen, it gets busy, but that just didn't happen for me. And so I knew that I didn't want to go into another place where they're gonna sugarcoat me and build me up just to forget that I was even there, so to speak. And so for me, the answer lied into in some place, in something that I had been teasing for honestly since I was little, but for the past couple years when I would just get tired of being at GSA or just not feel the passion, it was something that I would often bring to Quincy, and that is I'm going back to school. I wasn't gonna let y'all wait till the end. No, I am going back to school. Now, I'm not gonna say what school or what field yet. Well, I don't know what school, but I'm not gonna say what field just yet because I am the type of person that does not like to put things out there just for me. It has nothing to do with y'all, it has nothing to do with like, oh, she's trying to be mysterious. No, just for my own sake, I don't want to put it out there. It's it's a big deal that I'm even telling y'all my plan, but I just I'm like when I tell y'all it was really weighing on me to come and have this discussion and tell you guys what's been going on, not just for telling y'all's sake, but to encourage someone, to help someone, to even talk about something different that's a part of life, right? What do you do when you have to pivot? What do you do when things don't go according to your five-year, 10-year plan? That's all a part of part of life. That's all a part of invading the soul because your soul is literally a part of your life. So, yeah, so yeah, I am going back to school. Um, what ended up happening was when I decided to go back to school, there's a standardized test that I need to take in order to get into this particular graduate school um field. Particular graduate school field. Um, and so the reason why I didn't pursue this all these years is because of the standardized test. And this time I thought, what do I have to lose? I have the time, my husband's working. Um, I'll be able to sustain, we'll be able to do the same because I ended up taking the resignation offer. And so, in that became, um, they either you were able to continue on pay and benefits for a certain amount of time. So, because of that, I had options, and so I thought I have nothing to lose now. This is actually the moment where I do this. I bought a prep course in February, and it was going really well. And I was managing the podcast, and I was still keeping up with episodes and still putting things out, and then in one of my prep cast classes, we met once a week. In one of the classes, I just hit a bump and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm I'm this this is why. This this is why I hadn't done this, and that's when I could not split my brain space between the podcast and the test. And as you guys know, I do everything for the podcast: the ideas, the editing, the recording, and I just did not have the capacity to do both. And I also felt as though the podcast would be here. I it took me, y'all, that pressure was eating me up. And I had to let myself know I have put out 17 strong episodes that don't have thousands of listens yet. So that means that there are hundreds of thousands of people that can still stumble upon these episodes. I have family that haven't even listened to my podcast episodes. Okay. So there are so many people that can still benefit and listen to what I have already put out. The pressure comes in that, you know, when you're in that creative world, they're telling you that it's like poster bust, you know, you have to post every two weeks, you have to post on social media every day, you gotta be on TikTok, you gotta, and so that pressure was just eating me up that I'm like, my podcast is never gonna grow if I don't keep up doing this. But I literally had to think about my future, my children, the goals that I'm trying to reach. And the podcast was always a hobby because I had GSA, because I had a solid foundation, I could do the podcast. Well, that foundation was gone, and now I'm trying to build a new one, and so I had to focus on the foundation and where I wanted to be, where I was and what I was trying to get to. And so that just naturally meant that I had to take some time away from the podcast. Now, I definitely didn't plan on it being that long, but the test I'm taking, um, you don't have to just take it once. And so I've I've had to I've had to keep studying throughout from February up until now, September. I am still studying and trying to make sure that I'm getting the score that I want to get into the school that I want to get into, and so that I can get dash of money. Okay, so that is what I have been up to. I've been talking about going back to school for a long time, as I've already mentioned, but to be sitting here this close to applications and writing essays and taking this test is like it's really crazy. And I'm super excited for the journey. I am ultimately thankful that I did get laid off because it gave me this opportunity. I literally had nothing to lose. I had no more excuses. I couldn't blame the job, I couldn't blame the job and the balance between the job and the kids. And you know, I just I just had no more excuses really in my way, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful and I am happy and I'm so excited to be pursuing something that is challenging, that pushes me more than I've been pushed before, and that shows me that I've always had what it took to do this. I love this podcast, I love y'all so much, and it was not my intention to disappear or to not put out episodes. I literally still have my notebook and my digital planner of the episodes that I wanted to release, but priorities. And this ended up becoming way more involved than I originally anticipated. And it is way more involved because I still have four kids, still have my marriage, still have so many things to balance. And it's like drinking from a water hose going back to school at 34.

It's just like so, it's like, what did you guys talk about? What do you do? What's the new lingo?

What's the it's been really crazy, but it's also been a lot of fun and really exciting. So I just wanted to thank you all for your patience, for your love for those of you, the few of you that I already told I was going back to school and shared some of my um that tug of war between, you know, doing the podcast and going back to school and just a reassurance of like, hey, look, that podcast is gonna be there. And it is, and it's not something that I am intentionally neglecting, it is something that I plan to keep and come back to. Like I said, I still have lots of episodes, and I honestly cannot wait to share more about this journey to like get on the other side and sh tell you guys about just so many of the things that I've learned, and that's what this podcast has always been about, right? Is like not just renovating the soul in the abstract, but renovating the soul in the practical. What happens when you are laid off and you have to pivot? What happens when you have to balance priorities? How do you respond when life deals you cars that you did not want? And that's when you show up, right? You do the work for those moments, as I always say. You do the work in the slow season so that maybe when that storm comes or when life starts to happen, you have the tools and you're equipped. I'm still learning, I'm still working on me and the things that I need to work on. But ultimately, I am very, very excited about everything that is to come. One of the things I'm most excited about, and then I'm gonna jump off, is my kids being able to see me do this. There have been moments when I got really sad because I was like, if I had only told myself that I could do this a long time ago, I could have done it before I got married and had kids, and I would have had more time, and you know, I wouldn't have such bad mom brain and all of these things. But then I started to look at it as it is actually such a blessing for my children to be able to walk alongside me, for them to get exposed to academia, for them to see me pivot, for them to see me work hard, that they'll know that I did this not for me, and not I should I shouldn't, excuse me, not just for me, but also for them. They get to come to whatever school I go to, they get to meet professors and new colleagues and a new career, whatever everything that I do, they are going to be involved in. And for that, I am grateful. I am so grateful to God that that layoff happened. I did not see it that way at the time. Okay. I was pissed, but now I see it as such a huge blessing, and it's almost like you don't know what you would have done if you didn't have it. I'd really just be at GSA coasting. That's what I would be doing. It's coasting, comfortable. And I put myself in a very uncomfortable space and I wake up to that un that discomfort, excuse me. Yeah, no, I put myself in an uncomfortable space and I wake up to that discomfort daily, and I push myself further into that discomfort daily. And what I mean by that is I'm not saying that, oh my gosh, I hate it, it's so uncomfortable, but it's like it's so new, it's so different, it's so much to learn, and I could just go apply for another nine to five, but that's not what I was called to do. I just don't feel that I was called to settle in this season. So I'm going for it. I thank you all so much. Please continue to share the episodes with people, re-listen to them yourselves. I've been re-listening to them, they have been so good. Um, if you guys have any questions, if you guys want to talk, if any of you are going back to school or in a season of pivoting, please message me, DM me, email me. I am here as always. Thank you all so much for everything, for the encouragement, for listening. What is beautiful is that the listens on this podcast have not stopped. People are still listening to the podcast. I'm getting notifications, numbers are still going up. And that just was another reminder of like you, I could sit back on what I've done already and know that it's still content that is um relevant. It's still content that can be pushed and is evergreen and evolving. So I'm really thankful for that. Yeah, y'all. I I don't know the next time that I'll be back to do an episode. I'm hoping in a few months I can get back to a little bit of a steady schedule before school starts next year. Um, I will definitely keep you all posted and I thank you all so, so, so much. I'm having such a hard time ending this because I I miss doing the podcast, but I know that it will be here. Y'all are here, and I just thank you guys again. So, yeah, until next time, let's keep doing the work to renovate the soul.