Homeschooling As Intentional Parenting

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When I'm homeschooling and when we're with our children, we get to nurture them in a way that is so special and so intentional for parents. Nobody is going to care for my children the way that I will. And that's not cynical. That's just true. We've only been painted one picture or one idea of what homeschool is. The honest truth is that the hardest part isn't the logistics of it all. It's deciding that your children's formation is your job and not someone else's. Because once you make that decision, then the rest becomes solvable. I'm raising boys who will be adults one day. And that work starts at home. Welcome to Renovating the Soul. I'm your host, Alexandria Robinson, and this is a podcast about the real unglamorous work of becoming. The work that actually requires something from you. Hard questions, honest answers, and the willingness to look at the foundation you were handed and decide what you want to build on it. That's what we do here. So wherever you're coming from today, I'm glad you're in it with me. Let's get into today's conversation.

Welcome And Season Framing

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I have shared with you all that season three, The Messy Middle, is going to start off with some pretty personal topics and like life experiences. And today's episode is no different. Today we're going to be talking about homeschool. It's something that my family has been doing since my boys were were little, or my oldest was in kindergarten. And it's a topic that consistently comes up in my conversations with friends. And it is something that people have asked me for. So that is why we're doing this today. It may seem like it doesn't fit their innovating theme, but it does. And even if it doesn't, like I explained, these first few episodes are to help you all with like the past year of my life to share some things and some value systems that are most important to us. And so that's what we're going to be talking about. I want to be clear that today's episode about homeschooling is not to shame people who cannot do it. It's not to be pro-homeschool, like I feel like it's the only way. It's really to discuss our perspective, what we've gotten from it and our belief system and why we do value it. And it is also to help all of my friends and um and strangers even who have asked about our homeschool experience. So I hope you all are excited for today's episode. Let's

Why We Talk About Homeschool

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get into it. So first, let's get some of the assumptions out of the way. If you've been around and you're like me, like you've heard these assumptions that homeschool kids are weird, that it's for religious cult people. Um, I also heard people say, like, I don't have patience, or I can't teach my kids, or I don't have the time. And we're gonna talk about these in more detail as we go on. But our reason had nothing to do with religious ideology or thinking that our kids were, you know, better than anyone else's, or, you know, wanting to shelter them from life. No, it came from wanting to know our children deeply and to be a part of their education and their learning in a real and meaningful way. My husband and I, we are both public school babies through and through, all the way through from daycare to high school. We are public school kids. We've seen the best and we've seen the worst that it has to offer. And for both of us, we wish that our talents and our skills had been nurtured more. Because let's face it, every teacher we had did not have the capacity to see something special in us. Those moments happened, but they were far and few between. There's so much going on in our education system today that is even different from when we were younger. And those are realities that we had to acknowledge. And when I'm homeschooling and when we're with our children, we get to nurture them in a way that is so special and so intentional for parents. And when I say that this is intentional for parents, I have an idea of this original design, how things were supposed to be, right? So parents rear their children at home. You build the foundation, you give them the values, the principles, the lessons. You're you're training them. You're you're literally parenting them. You're giving them the yeses and the no's, the ebbs and the flows. You're paying attention to their character, who they're shaping up to be, things that be that could become red flags as an adult. You're trying to make them what should be an honorable and respectful and responsible adult. You're not training them to be a child forever. But what's actually happening and has been happening for a long time is that parents are outsourcing their rearing to teachers. And then you're

Rearing Kids Versus Outsourcing

SPEAKER_00 4:45

blaming the teachers when things go wrong. It's been happening since I was little. Now, the teachers' job is to educate. The teachers are supposed to be experts in their fields of whether it's kindergarten, what do you what do they need to learn? Their colors, how to read, how to write, how to talk, seemingly, right? Like that's what you're relying on the teachers for. They are experts, they are important. They're supposed to do the math and the English and the things that they went to school for to give back to their children. But what's happening is that when they have to do both the rearing and the teaching, something's gonna be off balance. And when you think about it this way, teachers are seemingly strangers. You might build a relationship eventually, but that doesn't replace what a parent's role should be. They don't necessarily share the same values and principles that you as a family or that you as a parent hold. And so then you have these environments, right? So we're talking about this original design, okay? You have the the parents rear the children at home, then they send the children to school for the education while the parents are intricately and intentionally involved in every aspect of what that looks like. What I've seen that often happens is even when you are doing that and you go to school, when other children come into school without that foundation, it doesn't just affect them, it disrupts the kids who are ready to learn. It disrupts the learning process because, and I have friends who are teachers. I've I and I'll talk about my experience with education a little bit later, but you're you're taking 20 to 30 children and you're putting them in this classroom and you're expecting one, two, or even three people to be able to handle not only the education, but the discipline and the training, and again, the rearing. And this is not about shaming parents who are doing their best with what they have. Hear me, I'm not shaming at all. I told y'all a lot of people have been asking me about homeschool, so I'm just trying to fulfill your desires. But it is a call to be honest, though. There's a difference between can't and won't. And a lot of what gets called can't is actually, I haven't decided that this is urgent enough yet. This is really a conviction push. This is really to for those people who have that desire, they notice that something's off with the school or the education system with where they're at. They want to do more. Again, every time I've not met one person who hasn't been interested in homeschooling their kids. They just won't do it or can't do it. And I would say it's more of a won't do it because of some of the assumptions or the things that I mentioned earlier. Social life, um, no patience, uh, I need my space or my break, or you have to see them 24-7, all of these things. So then you decide that's where it comes down to this idea that it's not urgent enough. The result, and I would say it's the unfortunate result, is that you blink and you don't recognize your child. And it's not because something went wrong, but it's because you weren't the one doing the raising the school system was. This for us, for Quincy and I, it did not start when we had kids. Quincy and I met in high school. We've been talking about homeschooling our kids. Like before we even talked about being married to each other, we separately had this idea that we wanted to homeschool our children. And I've struggled with that, even when I would say it then, and I struggled with the idea of homeschool for the same assumptions that I mentioned earlier, mainly like the socially awkward that homeschool kids are weird, until I met a homeschool family. Shout out to the princes, and I met their girls, and I would have never guessed that they were homeschooled because they were the most social butterflies that you could ever meet. And I saw that and I thought, well, there's one of those assumptions kind of taken away. Um, and so I've struggled with this idea of homeschool throughout the years, but over time I've become more sure and more sure, and that's what I want to explain to you all kind of how we came onto this journey.

Bullying And School Culture Realities

SPEAKER_00 8:40

I think our desire to homeschool really came from our own experiences in school. And some of those things were bullying, exposure to violence, uh sexual things outside of the classroom, um, comparison, like all of these things that was happening, right? And so when we look at bullying, I told you guys in season one, Skinny Girls Get Bullied 2, how I was bullied in high school for my weight. And I was taken, you know, I've talked about the story where, you know, the girl took my belt and she's swinging me around because she finds out that I have like all these lubes in my belt. Now in elementary school, I used to tell my parents, or I used to tell my dad, all anybody that was messing with me, my dad would show up. Okay. He came to the school, he would walk right past the office, go straight up to the kid and say, You better leave my daughter alone. But in middle school, it's not cute to do that anymore. Middle school introduced all these different things and, you know, trying to be the cool kid and trying to have the designer things and all these things that these kids, you know, that that kids bring your way and that just being in an environment with so many different people from so many different backgrounds will do. And so in middle school, I never went to my parents and told them that I was getting bullied for my weight, or I didn't talk about the things that I experienced in high school, like physically, like being physically slapped by other girls in school or being like pressed up against, like bullied, literally, like, you know, these these bullies. Um, exposure to violence was a big one because there were fights from middle school to high school all the time, y'all. And the kids, we would walk from, so I used to have to walk from the middle school, Demant Middle School. Okay, so if you know, you know. Used to have to walk from Dimmitt middle school to home. And on our way home, they would fight on the way home. Because of course, if you fight at school, you would get in trouble. So what would they do? Plan the fights. A lot of fights were planned. They would plan the fights and they would fight from our school going towards like the 7-Eleven, you know, um, fighting the library, fighting, like all of this exposure to violence. And then you get to high school, this one guy, he got knocked out. I'm talking about clear, just punched, fell straight back. Um, the another time in the classroom was sitting there next to the girl who was about to get beat up, didn't know this was about to happen, but I'm sitting next to her, still remember their names, so I'm gonna try not to say names, but she's sitting, I'm sitting next to her, and I noticed the other another girl, she's getting up and she's going to the pencil sharpener. And I'm noticing she's taking the long way around, and I'm like, that's so weird. Like, why, you know, why she take like why is she sharpening her pencil? Or sorry, why is she taking this long route from sharpening her pencil? And she comes up to the girl next to me, and she has the pencil in her hand like this, and she's literally fighting her with the pencil in her hand. Like, what kind of cra and we're in a classroom, we're not even like where there's space. So they're right next to me. I have to jump up. The teacher's like so caught off guard, he doesn't know what to do, he's like frantic. But like, what kind of craziness is that that like you're taking the pencil to try to fight this girl? These are the this is the exposure to violence that I'm referring to that I don't think was necessary. I don't think I needed to see all of these fights, even if I wasn't myself getting

Early Sexual Talk And Exposure

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into them. And then when you talk about sexual things, I was introduced to, and we'll probably have to put an explicit filter on this episode, but I was introduced to anal sex in fourth grade by other people, other kids teasing one of the other girls. And again, I'm trying not to say names because I have a really good memory. I had a lot of friends, I remember their names, but they were teasing her about having anal sex. And that was something that I got introduced to in elementary school. And again, I'm not going back to my parents and saying, guess what I learned today? And I don't know that they were necessarily asking either, but so I'm not talking about sexual education. I didn't have any problem with sexual education or when like we got to watch a birth and things like that. You have to get consent, you know, et cetera, et cetera. But you're talking about these conversations amongst kids and things that people have told me, I'm keeping my children, my children are missing out from something by not getting some of these experiences. Even though they're not saying this part, when I have given specific examples like this, I've had especially older people be like, Well, that's just a part of being there. And that's just a part. And I'm like, I don't think that my kid needs to get bullied in order to to become a a good person. Like, I don't think that he needs to be exposed to certain sexual things that should not be talked about or come from students because in elementary school the students were sexually active. There are things that are more appropriate for us to be teaching than for them to be exposed to. And and in the vein of people trying to tell me that my children are gonna miss out on certain experiences, my kids get bullied and was getting bullied and and still got problems with the neighborhood bully. We got a neighborhood bully. He has, and I kid y'all not, he has bullied every kid on our block. We have about five kids and another one, like six of them. He has literally bullied every kid on that block and he goes to school with them, and I heard it's worse at school, but he uh choked my second oldest, yes, when we first moved into this neighborhood, and we had a conference confrontation with him and his parents because we don't play that, you're not gonna physically touch my children, and you know, it's not been that there, but still there's the verbal things, there's the looks, there's a talking. I've had to talk to this kid multiple times. And what happened though was that when my when this first happened to my kids, they were terrified. Like they didn't know what to do, what to do. We as parents got to be a part of that entire process. Even for me, when Quincy was telling me, like, you gotta, there are certain things you don't need to intervene on because I'm definitely like, I'm gonna protect my child, but they also have to learn how to stick up for themselves. So that was a couple years ago to now flash forward when he was out there bothering them the other day, they were sticking up for themselves. So I say that because people, like I said, people have literally tried to say, you have to, that like your kids are gonna miss out on so much, but they can experience so much just by being in the regular world. And for me, also part of my reason to homeschool is because I've worked in the school systems. I thought I was gonna be a teacher, so I did the rent in teacher academy. I worked at an elementary school, I did volunteering at elementary schools and preparatory academies in Atlanta. And when you're in Atlanta, it is like a it's like you you were focused more on behavior than you are on any education. And they the kids had to call me Auntie Alex from plainly putting it, like sexualizing me. That the main teacher was like, no, we're gonna call her Auntie Alex because she's not your girlfriend, she's not your wife. Like you, you see what I'm saying? So it's like the kids are exposed to things because of home life, and then they bring on that into the classroom, and then teachers then have to teach these values and principles of and boundaries of like, no, and I don't necessarily think that that is the teacher's job fully. It's going to happen, it's going to come up, but it's not the teacher's job fully. I also say that because teachers themselves have their own values, principles, ideas, ideologies that they bring into the classroom with our children. It used to kind of be different where you don't, you don't blend those things. But by the time I was in school, I was treated differently by a teacher who was homosexual because he found out I was a Christian, but I had never said, I've never done anything to this teacher. I had never, I don't even know how I found out like I was a Christian. Might have been like, you know, I was very Jesus Jesus back then. So maybe I said something or did a presentation. I don't know. But he would treat all the Christian kids like we were just the scum of the earth, and then he would bond like and literally have like a little favorite bubble with other kids. That's wrong. Period. Like you, the same way that I shouldn't, you know, treat you a certain way for your decisions and your beliefs is the same way you shouldn't do the same thing to me. And that, especially me being the child. You're the adult. He acted more like he was the homeboy than he was our teacher. And so these experiences are very real. Nobody is going to care for my children the way that I will. And that's not cynical. That's that's just true. And so we put our children into homeschool.

Daycare And Private School Problems

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And before we did that, we tried daycare, we tried pre-K at two different private schools. My with daycare, and this is not really the point of this, but you know, just to note it, my kids were sick all the time. Just, I mean, with one of my boys had a UTI, which boys typically don't get UTIs. My oldest son had got pneumonia because they said that he was so sick repeatedly that it just would lie dormant. It was never really going away. That's how often the kids were sick at the daycare, and that it developed pneumonia in him so bad that we thought he had a uh appendicitis because he was the it it the pneumonia went like down to his stomach. My my second oldest son had a febral seizure. I didn't learn about this until he had it. And it was because he had a fever at the daycare, and the daycare teacher did not notice. It was a warm day, but there's a difference between you're warm and you're burning hot. As a mother, as soon as I held him, I knew something was wrong. And as soon as I went to go get the thermometer, he has this seizure in my arms, and I'm just like crying and freaking out. And thankfully, at that time, we lived in a basement apartment and our landlords were an older couple. They were grandparents and parents. And so they recognized that he was having a seizure. They they helped us out. We called 911 and then and then they explained, yeah, his temperature was 104 or 105. And, you know, the seizure wasn't dangerous. He didn't keep having them. They're like it's common, you know, amongst kids that he was only one, amongst kids his age. But I'm just saying, like, the lack of neglect and care that people have for their for other people's children, and I don't fault them for it because it's not necessarily their responsibility, but I'm just saying that we've also tried to fight against these like homeschool desires to see can we trust the people out there? Can we trust the school system? So they went, they've gone through daycares, they did um private school at two different private schools, and at the one, so my oldest son at the private school that we put him in, it was a test to see, okay, if he can do pre-K, then he can go to kindergarten because the cost does increase. Okay, so we're like, okay, we'll see how they do. Pre-K was nothing but a glorified daycare. The teacher was supposed to be one teacher for each room. He had a teacher, a different teacher, almost every other day. And anybody that has children or anybody that works with children knows they need consistency. His uh teacher was in and out. Then we would show up for pickup and they were just getting up for a nap. They're not supposed to nap that long. So I was like, I'm not gonna keep paying for a glorified daycare. So we put him into homeschool. He does kindergarten. While he's in kindergarten, we tried pre-K for my second oldest, and actually it was a brand new pre-K in Vancouver, Washington, and it was really great. The issue became that this woman who started this school, she wanted to do a balance of education and play. She was a tutor, she had this idea, thought it was an incredible idea. And our biggest thing was we want them to get the education. We want them to be learning because we now know that they are fully capable. Something that wasn't always told to us. You wear these identities. I'm bad at math, I'm bad at science, I'm bad at test taking, and no one ever challenges that to tell you you're not born good at it. You have to just work hard to do it. That's the values that we're trying to instill in our children. So we know you're more than capable. So she had a great idea, great philosophy. But what happened that she found was that the other children who were coming in with behavior issues were taking so much away from the kids that could sit down, from the kids that could listen, from the kids that could raise their hand, that it again became just kind of like another glorified daycare that we were paying for. So we take him out. So we really did try. That's what I'm trying to. I I want people to understand that we really did try. Um, and it and we just kept hitting the wall. And so we finally bit

Choosing A Structured Online Homeschool

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the bullet. We put my oldest son into preschool, and I knew a few things. And this is what I'm always preaching about when I'm talking to parents who are like, I don't know how to find curriculum, or I don't want to do this, or I don't want to do that. And I'm like, listen, I've I got it for you. You don't have to because I knew that I did not want to create the curriculum. I also knew that I wanted structure. I didn't want it to just be wake up at whatever time, or, you know, we were doing arts and crafts all day. Like, I actually want you to stay on track. And I wanted an option so that if they do go to school, they would be again like on track or, you know, getting the getting the fundamentals that they need for whatever age or grade that they're at. I just happened to be scrolling on Instagram at the time I was looking for homeschools, and then Lytium Academy pops up. And I see that they said they're an online, online homeschool. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I never even thought about an online homeschool. This is very interesting. And I go on the website and I see that they have different options for curriculum, different tiers and different levels. Um, and I I signed up for an open house and the rest is history. And so one of the uh first things that I did was after attending the open house, got my you know, son registered through in Lighttium, and I'm gonna talk about Lighttium. This is not sponsored by them in any way. I am not in partnership with them. They they can pay me if they want, but I'm not in partnership with them. This is literally to help the ones that have been asking me about homeschool, and I'm telling you what has worked for us and what we found. Um, and Lightum offered for the kindergarten age where we started at two different types of curriculum. And they still offer this. I think they took away the book based, so you'll have to kind of do some research on that because we're like we're in this now, but there was a book based curriculum that you yourself teach. Or online, where it was video lessons or live instruction. And the great thing about Enlighten them is that they went from pre-K all the way up to high school and college prep. They also will keep all the records so that the boys ever transition to in-person school, everything's documented and I can show the school their progress. They also give you the state regulations and requirements. So if there are state tests that your children are required to take, they will still take those. And they have um what cannot think of the term, but they're it's like a system where you can track your child's progress to make sure that they're on track with the standards of that grade. So are they behind? Are they ahead? Are they right where they need to be? So Enlighten does all of that for you. I will note here that it is a Christian home online homeschool. They have a Christian lens through their curriculum. So one of the required classes is Bible. I will also tell you that we don't agree with all of the theology and everything that they believe, but it also doesn't hinder the education that my children get. But I say that because if you don't necessarily want that, if you don't want to have to course correct, or you just don't want to be affiliated with the school that has that Christian lens, then that would be your pause or that would be your concern. But it doesn't get in the way for us because he still has to learn how to get up, do your work, pay attention. Those are skills that he has to carry with him, no matter what the class is, what the curriculum is, those are skills that he's gonna have to take with him as an adult. There's a parent app, so you can get all the information on the parent app, and I'll talk a little bit more about my role and what I do in a second. But there's a parent app, they also have um like a student body, so older kids could run for student body president, vice president, secretary. They still have all of that. They have Spirit Week, and so you send your pictures in. They have pep rallies, they're virtual, you get on, they're actually really fun, they play games and they have them by age so or by grades. And so you're not dealing with everyone, but you'll have it by your grade depending on what it is. They also have meetups in certain towns and areas so you can actually physically meet other homeschool kids, but they also have a map to show you how many other homeschool kids are in your area. So if you ever want to reach out to someone on the parent app or email, like you can reach out to them. And so I'm saying that because they are functioning as this online homeschool, but it's not, they're not trying to isolate the kids, they're trying to make it social, they're trying to incorporate the things that you know you would get if you went to an in-person school down the

Teaching At Home Then Going Online

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street. For the kindergarten for my oldest son, I taught the curriculum myself. I realized, I knew I was not meant to be an elementary school teacher. I told y'all that I did a lot of stuff in education and I did volunteer a lot in elementary school because it's like the easiest ones to get into because those teachers need a lot of help. But I knew that I was not meant for like kindergarten or first grade, second grade. I'm like a fourth grade, fifth grade, middle school, high school. It was a lot of if Johnny had five apples energy in that in that session, but we both survived, okay? We we each survived. It was hard. But I was amazed at how much we both learned because you don't realize how far away you are from kindergarten until you go back in and you start having to learn. I literally would have to YouTube what sounds certain like letters made because I'm like, I don't, I don't know. I don't I don't remember this. I just I just talked now. Um, but it was great. It was great for both of us. It was hard on both of us, but I he was surprised at his progress, and I was surprised at his progress and being able to see it up close. By the end of kindergarten, he was counting to 100, he was reading, he knew, you know, his phonetic sounds. I mean, just so much he was writing, like there was so much that he was doing at the end of kindergarten, all based on, you know, me teaching. And I I was really proud of like how well I was able to teach him from the curriculum and to be able to help him. But after that, we switched to online so that they have uh video lessons on their iPads. And so they um we switched online for him. So he did first, second, first and second grade on online, and then my youngest just did kindergarten online. Now, I will tell y'all the reason why that I taught the curriculum first was because we are not um screen time parents. Our children don't have dedicated iPads, they don't have phones. The screen time that they get is like they can watch TV and movies, and we watch like a family movie or family show. We're going through the nanny right now. It's one of our favorites right now. So, like they have screen time in regards to that, but they don't have like dedicated iPads and things like that outside of the ones that they use for school. So we were hesitant on doing the online videos because we didn't want Calel, our oldest, to start thinking like, you know, this this is my iPad. I got it, and it's it's never been that. They know that those iPads are more associated with school than they are with anything else. Sure, have they watched something on them before? Absolutely, but it's just not a dedicated practice. And so that was our hesitation. But then I told him, I'm like, well, I told Quincy, I said, well, if they're watching TV, I think they'll be okay with a little little with the iPad, like with the education part of the videos. And it's great. It really is a classroom setting that they're in. These videos are pre-recorded. They uh are going through the lesson, they're doing the um the assignment, and they're it's just like being in the classroom, right? Except you're at home and you're looking on the iPad. Now, do they have to learn everything that you're going to learn in school? Absolutely. They have to learn how to pay attention, they have to learn how to sit still, they have to learn to regurgitate and be able to say back what they're learning. All of those same things, it's just that I get to be there for them and I get to do it with only two kids instead of them being in a room full of 20 where it's easily neglected. Now, on my end, as a parent, for all my parents out there, I do more of the administrative stuff. So you get your curriculum from the whichever one you choose, and you have to organize it still. So I organize their curriculum weekly, but the great thing about Enlightenment is that they give me the calendar and the schedule so I know what assignments need to be done on this day, what assignments need to be turned in for this week. And that's kind of what I'm taking care of. They're extracurriculars, they have a fine arts requirement and a PE requirement. So they have to get 60 hours of fine art that's dance, music, art, etc., and 60 hours of physical education, which is, you know, exactly what it sounds like. So those things I have to keep track of. I had they give you a Google Sheets file, and you have to go in there and you have to track that. You have to take pictures to show that they're doing it. But if your kids are already in activities, then you know, you can you it's easy. Those 60 hours are very easy. And so, yeah, that's what I take care of. There is a cost, and you can break that down monthly. They offer packages, and the packages are really reasonable, very, very reasonable. Even with two children, I'm paying less than what I was paying when they were in the private homeschools, and I'm getting more from this curriculum and from this structure than I was over there. The only thing that is an upfront cost is the actual curriculum, and that can be anywhere from 500 bucks and on up because I'm sorry, depending on what class or what grade that they're in, excuse me. So kindergarten is gonna be a little cheaper because you only have like three classes to teach. And mind you, when I did kindergarten for Khalil, I was working full-time. It was easier because he's only got Bible math and like phonics and English. I it was harder when he got to first grade to kind of help, but that's why we also switched to online classes so that he can watch it because I didn't have the time to be able to do teach the teach him and all of that when I was working full time. So, and I forgot I forgot to mention that. But your upfront cost is going to be that curriculum, but you have some time to get it. I get mines early because and I and we eat the cost because it is so worth it. Like you're you're getting all the books that they need, you're getting uh this the teacher book. They're going to give you everything that you as the parent need so you can go ahead of them. You understand what they're going to be learning in that class, you see what the assignment's going to be. Like you don't have to guess. And I don't have to interact with the school. I don't I have not had any bad experiences. There are minor things that have irritated me, but they're not major things that the next person would probably even notice. I don't have to email them and be like, y'all, dah-da-da. I've I've barely interacted with the school besides paying my monthly costs and showing up to certain events. They had a kindergarten graduation. We went to that and other things. I forgot to mention that they also have social clubs. So my kids were a part of art club and chess club, but they also have like horseback riding, and I don't know how that works, but I think they horseback ride separately and then come together. I don't know, but I know for the art club, you meet, uh, I think it's once a quarter. I'm not sure if you're I think it's once a quarter. You meet or once a month. One of those two. But you meet, you get your art project, you do your art project, you submit your art project at the next meeting. We talk about it. Chess club, you practice, you come together, you have a tournament. So that's how it was. There's several other social clubs that they have, but all of that is available through, again, this homeschool. And I'm hoping that you're hearing homeschool in a different way because I think a lot of times homeschool is passed off again, it's just like very weird, very selective, very isolated thing. And it's not, it doesn't have to be when you go through a school like in Lytium. I'm sure there are other schools out there. I've not done really research because I don't plan on leaving in Lytime. My kids do want to go to in-person school, they'll they'll be allowed to do that maybe middle school or high school. But for right now, we're pretty happy with their foundation and what they're

Pushback From Family And Friends

SPEAKER_00 32:00

getting. I will also say that, you know, sometimes people are afraid of the pushback that they're gonna get from their family and friends. And I will tell y'all that when we first started this, our family did not understand it. All those things that I was telling y'all are things that have been said to me. Your kids are gonna be weird, they're gonna lack social skills, they're gonna fall behind academically. Um, I have family members that are educators. I had one, she went off on me because she just really believed that we had gained so much from the public education system. And when I was trying to tell her some of the objections, you know, everything was kind of being spun like it's good, it's good, it's good for you. Now she's old school, and I was trying to tell her, like, girl, school when you were teaching, I'm sure was totally different than the school that these kids gonna have to go in. It's not the same, but it's hard to bring people into a time that they're not familiar with. Um, so a lot of my family are parents, and like just so many things that people were telling us, and we didn't buy into it. Again, I already knew homeschooled parents and families, and I knew them girls are just fine. They're not weird, they don't lack, they're going to college, they're doing just fine, right? And now nobody, I don't think they think that. And if they think it, they don't say it. They ask my kids all the time, how's school going? What is, what are you learning? And my mom, she was so surprised to hear that you know, Callel is in like six or seven classes, which I forgot to mention that second and third grade, or he just sorry, first and second grade, his classes are Bible, math, English, reading, spelling, handwriting, and then it alternates between social studies and social studies and science. So that's his day. He starts at about nine o'clock, they eat breakfast at eight when I get up, but they eat breakfast at eight-ish. Okay, and then uh 9 a.m. they start, and he's done anywhere between like two and four, depending upon the day and how much his workload has, or if he, you know, takes too many breaks, right? Because they also get breaks. So you get up five to ten minutes, you can go outside, you can get a snack, you have lunch at noon, so you eat your lunch, you can play also a little bit, get your outdoors time when the weather is good here. And so when my mom heard and she was talking to Khalil about all his classes when he got to first grade, they're just like, whoa, like I didn't I didn't expect it to be that way. And it's no fault to them because I think that we've only been painted one picture or one idea of what homeschool is.

Social Life Without Traditional School

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Now, the social question is the most common one. Your kids are gonna be weird, they're gonna lack social. If you met Khalel, he we call him motor mouth may bale because he never stops talking. So the and he knows no stranger. And on my little baby is two, he knows no stranger. This guy goes up to people all the time and he just is talking to them or he's sitting with them. Like, so even for him being at home with us, it's like these kids are social. But if you are nervous about that, here are ways to keep your kids social. First, for our kids, they were in church, so they were around people, they're around kids when they go to children's church. Um, you're our neighborhood. These guys play with all the kids in the neighborhood, they are not locked up in the house, sheltered away from the neighborhood kids. They have their friends. We go to lunch with our with our neighbors across the street, and our kids play together. I think this is coming to me now. It's like I think your children are as social as you are. If you stay locked up in the house and that's the only option they have, then what do you think is gonna happen, right? But you can get them into sports. Our boys did martial arts, they did swimming. They didn't really make a lot of friends at swimming because that's just a different structure. You're really in and out, it's a little chaotic. But martial arts, they they were doing martial arts, we're getting ready to put them into tennis. And y'all, do you know what I found? The sport, so like with martial arts and with the tennis uh club that I just found, they have special homeschool classes. And it's not to again isolate the kids or make it be like this specialty thing, but it's actually because usually those classes are a little earlier in the day because homeschool, you can kind of structure and have that flexibility, but these guys also got to meet other kids who were homeschooled to see, like, oh, we're not the only ones. And the homeschool class was packed, like it was. I was like, Oh, it's gonna be like five kids in here. No, it's it's a packed class. I had parents, you know, that were that became my friends that I would say friends loosely, like acquaintances, people that I could talk to when I came to class, okay? People whose lives I got to know more about and just be around. And so, yeah, you you find that they that they end up having these homeschool options. The tennis club, same thing, which just looking them up, they have a whole homeschool class for them. And so you can absolutely build this social life and you can do it intentionally. So, yes, the the social aspect of it again is a it's all about what you do, what you can afford, what you can get them into, but you can take your kids to the park for free. You can, again, if you're religious, you you go to where whatever that looks like for you. If you have neighbors, you get to know your neighbors, you have family, right? You keep them talking, you keep them active. That's on you. I don't think that's something that has to happen because they're homeschooled.

Patience And I Cannot Teach

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Um, the I I don't have patience argument. Patience is built, not given. You grow into this. I told y'all my patience was zero when I started this. It was if Johnny had five apples, boy, and don't you say four. It was very much that. But I have come to understand them. I get to learn them, I get to ask questions. I've learned to ask them questions because I know far more than they know, so it makes sense to me, but they're just now learning this. So I have to start asking Khalel, what do you hear me saying? Or what do you hear these and like what do you understand these instructions to be saying? And I then I'm like, oh, okay, there's a gap. Okay, then I can help. And so, yes, that patience comes over time, but you have to give yourself a chance. You cannot just say you don't have patience and you never really try to see. And also, as we talked about here in Benevenus, you can grow. Stop thinking that you cannot change. I don't know why we get so bogged down into these ideologies about ourselves, into these like value things about ourselves without ever giving ourselves a chance to fly, essentially. Um, and then the other argument that I mentioned earlier or assumption is that the I can't teach. Well, I just told y'all, you don't have to create the curriculum. That's what platforms like Enlighten are for. And I will say that there are lots of homeschool curriculum out there, and it gets hard to choose. I I have looked at some of the other curriculums. I do not like them. I'm not gonna say them, but if you want to talk about it, we can. I don't like them because a lot of times they are not as thorough as like an Enlighten is, where you have like Enlightenment has a principal, they have a coordinator for each grade, they have so many resources, and like I was saying, your children can go up to live instruction where they actually have teachers who do teach live, so it's kind of like how COVID was you're watching virtually. That is a different kind of education and curriculum than what you're getting from some of the other ones, and that's just kind of a fact. Well, also what I love about Enlighten's curriculum is it's old school. Okay, it's so old school that the the little the little videos that they give you to preview what your child is doing, they're still called moms minutes because you know moms were the homeschool ones, right? And I love it. That doesn't bother me because we we know it doesn't have to be that way, and we know they didn't mean any harm by it. It's just naturally kind of usually who the homeschool parent is, right? But I say that because we wanted uh not traditional, we just we wanted them to be learning the style of kind of more similar to what we learned or what we know to be true. Just because people have changed the curriculum to fit today doesn't mean that it's working. Also, my son is doing cursive. I know there's a big thing about that now that they took cursive out and they're putting it back. There's no question that he wasn't gonna learn cursive through their through their curriculum, like at all. So you just have to understand what you're looking for. This may not work for you, their curriculum may not work for you. But if your argument is that you can't teach, that's just not a fair one because the curriculum really gives you all that you need. It's a blueprint, everything. Okay.

Formation Is The Real Decision

SPEAKER_00 39:55

The honest truth is that the hardest part isn't the logistics of it all. It's deciding that your children's formation is your job and not someone else's. Because once you make that decision, then the rest becomes solvable. That's it. You decide that you know what, like we did, I want to, I want to watch my child's growth. I want to, I want to be there for those those milestones and those steps. Not only do I get to learn about my children's education, but I get to learn about their character, their values. I get to see red flags and be like, okay, this could turn into something as an adult if I don't help him nip it. It doesn't mean that I can solve everything for them and I can't call everything out. I just have to, as a parent, I get to notice it, I get to know what's there and I get to pay attention instead of, like I said earlier, blinking and I'm like, who is that kid? I don't know him. It's like, no, I I I seen that coming. Yeah. I see the people pleaser in my oldest son. He gets that from me, okay? And that and that's something that I can help him with and kind of guide him with and coach him through when he's old enough to understand and when he's ready for those conversations. And again, y'all, like I know this isn't for everyone, but the conviction might be. And I want to be really clear that I'm not here to make you feel guilty about how you're schooling your kids. You have to do what you can with what you have, and I understand that. But for those of you who've been feeling something, a pool, a discomfort, a sense that something isn't quite right, I don't want you to dismiss that. That conviction is there for a reason. The people asking me about homeschool, that feeling is there for a reason. You don't have to homeschool, right? But you do have to do something with what you're feeling. Speak directly to it, call it out, do something with it, right? My heart breaks at all the stories of my friends whose children are in school being actively bullied. And they go up to fight these schools and they go up to fight these teachers, not physically fight, but just, you know, like fight the system and say, like, why aren't you there for my child? And look what you're letting happen to my child. And honestly, again, it's it's really not, that's not their job. It is the reason why kids were able to get away with so many fights in middle school is that a lot of times school is more reactionary than it is preventative. And so you would hear the whispers in middle school about who was planning this fight and who was planning this fight. We all knew somebody was gonna fight. The administrators might not have known, but even if they did, they cannot act until it's actually happening. So they don't step in to say, hey, you guys, let's let's smooth this out. They only step in when the fight is actually happening. And you as a parent, you get to be proactive and not reactive. You get to help your children and guide them before the problems flourish or manifest itself. I have talked to kids that I know, not like random kids, but like kids that I know, and I'm asking how's school going, and they're like, I don't like school. I don't want to be there. A lot of girls are like this. I don't want to be there. Like I was like, you know, and they're like, Oh, I would, I would love to be homeschooled. But the parent isn't willing. The parent has all of these excuses, right? You but they're also saying at the same time, I don't like how they treat my baby. I don't like what they're doing, they don't listen, they don't care. I'm going up there, they're not taking it seriously. Kids are dying, kids are, yeah, they they're not though. And honestly, how can they? They don't have the same connection to your child that you had. Mothers carrying your child for nine months. No one's gonna have that same connection and that care for your child like you can and you do. And that's why I'm saying it's not about homeschool, it's about this bigger picture that if you have that conviction and that discomfort, you have to do something about it. You can't just ignore it and let it go. And you can't let your children be the target for something that they don't have to be. You don't need to try to prove the whole education system is corrupt by pushing your baby through a school where they're being tormented and bullied every day. Do you know what that's doing to our children's mental health? Do you know what that's doing to our girls' self esteem? They are seeing themselves. And you can look up all the stats so differently, not just from being in the school, but from social media, from phones, from all these things that are happening. And so for me, again, our kids may go to school one day, but this foundation, I hope that I set a good foundation for who they are so that when they do go into school, they know that they don't have to carry on everything. When they do go into school, they know that they can come back and talk to mom and dad about whatever is happening. When they do go to school, they get bullied, they know how to stick up for themselves. What I what I really want you to walk away with and the heart of this is that I wanted to know my children. I wanted to learn them, I wanted to help shape them, especially in these pivotal years. I don't fault my parents. They they were both working, they're putting food on the table, they're doing the best that they can with what they've been given. Right? Um But I could have been nurtured differently, I could have been cared for differently. I I think I would have loved and excelled at homeschool to know that I could be good at math, and I could be good at science, and I can be good at biology and chemistry and these things that I wanted to do, but I'm adopting all these mentalities because it's almost not cool to even be good. In school, it wasn't cool to raise your hand and ask questions. It wasn't cool to, you know, uh be the nerd, right? Like all of these things. It it's not cute when I look back at my childhood and I'm so self-conscious about my weight and my appearance because the boys are making me feel that way and the girls were no better. I don't look back fondly and say, yeah, I'm a better person because I got bullied, or I'm a better person because I, you know, was exposed to all of this, you know, sexual uh talk and activity like that was going on from elementary school to high school. This opportunity that I have is something that I do not take lightly. And I hope you guys hear that and hear my heart in that. I didn't want to send my kids somewhere for eight to nine hours a day and never really know how they're learning or who they're becoming. My responsibility as a parent isn't just to keep them alive and fed, but it's to raise people with values, with work ethic, with strong beliefs, with a solid foundation, with uh, what did I already say principles? Like, it's not just parenting them for the 18 years that they're gonna be in my house and then to watch them become an adult and be like, why are you making those choices? That's crazy. Like, no, at some point as a parent, I'll have to look in the mirror and say, Well, did I go wrong somewhere? Was I doing everything that I can to help shape and mold them? I'm raising boys who will be adults one day, and that work starts at home. I also have four boys, so I imagine them being husbands and leaders and uh fathers. That work starts now when they're five and two and one, and I've always believed that. It starts now, it doesn't wait until they become 18. It starts now and it starts at home.

Blueprint Questions And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 46:59

And our blueprint for this episode is that no contractor outsources the foundation of the job and then wonders why the house doesn't hold. You can bring in experts, plumbers, electricians, specialists, but you still have to know what's being built and why. You don't just hand over the assignment to the plumber and say, here, go do what you want. You have a vision, you have an idea for what you want. The school is the subcontractor. You are the general contractor, and that's always been true. Subcontractors, they can help, but you set the vision, you approve the plans, and you are the one responsible for what gets built. Don't hand someone else the blueprint and then be surprised when the house doesn't look like what you imagined. So here are the questions or the takeaways that I'm gonna leave you with, but uh, but we're gonna do three questions this time. First is, do you know what's being built in your child's life right now? Academically, socially, spiritually. Number two is are you reacting to who your child is becoming or are you actively shaping it? And on this one, I want to pause right quick because we seem to have this problem in America with arranging our children's lives. I understand certain things are not rooted in the best habits, but when you take the general idea of what parents were trying to do in other countries and other cultures, it's expected because you as a parent are paying attention, but you're also seemingly trying to lead your child to a better life. I know that, you know, the immigrant children now or children of immigrants now are kind of complaining and oh, my mom wouldn't be a lawyer and they wanted me to be a doctor, but I wouldn't be a painter. And I'm like, do you know how much I wish my mama or daddy would have said be a doctor? You know how much I wish someone at in black church would have said, you can go on and be a lawyer instead of a preacher? Like, what? I I mean, I think when we start to, again, we're asking different questions this season, when we see it in a different way. I should know my children better than then, than they know themselves at a point in their life, right? I'm also trying to get my children to be better than me. Just the idea of arranging your child's life, seeing what they're capable of, knowing what's a good job for them. We seem to have that problem, but a lot of that is I want you to be better than me. We have an idea of what professions our children should have, like our boys should have. None of them are anything that's like, well, what we're doing. Everything is what we're like, wow, you can be an engineer because you because you like patterns. Wow, you can be a pediatrician because you like people and you like caring for people and you're so loving, right? And we also know that they have the capability to do it. I would much rather my parents have said you can be a doctor or a lawyer, and then I know, wow, they believe that I can do it. The math, the science, the hard work, the long nights, the grind of it, right? Than to be like, oh, you could be a church secretary. Who wants to hear that, right? And I'm not, I'm not, I mean, hear me, guys. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that because my mother was a secretary and I absolutely love what she did. So there's nothing wrong with it. It's this idea that if we pass off the betterment to our children, there's nothing wrong with that. So when I'm asking that question, are you just reacting to who your child is becoming, or are you actively shaping it? Know that there is nothing wrong with helping to shape your child's life. Now, if they go a different direction, they do different things, that happens, right? It's not saying that you have to stop loving them or being their parent because they didn't do your program or your plan, but it is to say that if I'm paying attention to my child, if I'm paying attention to their habits, their skills, the things that they're able to do or not able to do, and I know more about the professional world and what they're able to get a hold of, I can guide them. Instead of me and my husband having to like trip along our way and I'm filling out fast food forms and don't know what I'm doing. I'm choosing a major based on something that's not really gonna be lucrative in my future. I'm going to get my master's not knowing that's not a good idea. I'm going into it's like, no. I'd rather do the research. And this goes back to us as parents is we have to be renovating our souls. We have to be doing checks and balances. We have to make sure that we're in a good place so that we can pass those values and principles and experiences off to our children in a healthy way, right? Um, next question, third question, and we're almost out of here, is that what is one thing I can take back ownership of this week? And that's with your family, with your children. I'd also add on that that conviction that you may be feeling, that feeling that you have that something's not right, follow it. Ask it. Just just add, just, just, just lean into it a little bit and see what you find.

Reach Out And Closing

SPEAKER_00 51:27

So if you want to talk more about homeschool or hear more of my journey or just have general questions about anything I said, please reach out to me again via email or social media. Homeschool is one of my favorite topics because I love debunking all of the things and I love showing like people who know my kids, they're like, oh my gosh, they're they talk well, they're doing well, they're doing amazing, so they're not socially weird. Uh, you know, they still get exposed to things because you have the neighborhood kids, but they usually come back and we can talk about it, we can have those conversations, and that's all I'm really saying. It's like it's the effort, it's the time, it's the value. What does it mean to you? What do your children mean to you? What do their futures mean to you? I think those are questions that are worth asking and worth exploring. So I hope this episode sits well with you all. Again, please reach out. Don't sit on there and be judging me. Just reach out. If I said something you didn't like, reach out, it's not gonna hurt my feelings. Just reach out, let's have a conversation. Really, let's do that. Um, so yeah, until next time, let's keep doing the work to renovate the soul.