The Addiction To The Next Message

Alexandria 0:00

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to believe that the next message will finally be the one? The next sermon, like the next podcast, like the next quote, the next prophecy, the next conversation, the next dream, the next sign. And I've started wondering something. How many messages does it take before we finally trust what we've already been given? I mean, really think about it. How many sermons have you listened to? How many books have you highlighted? How many podcasts have you saved? How many journal entries say the exact same thing? And I don't think most of us even realize we're doing it. It just feels like staying open or staying spiritually fed or staying ready. Today I want to talk about what happens when the search for the next message becomes the reason you never do anything with the last one. Because here's what I've had to tell myself in this season, and I mean it. You don't need a new message. You need to trust what you already know. Welcome to Renovating the Soul. I'm your host, Alexandria Robinson, and this is a podcast about the real unglamorous work of becoming the work that actually requires something from you. Hard questions, honest answers, and the willingness to look at the foundation you were handed and decide what you want to build on it. That's what we do here. So wherever you're coming from today, I'm glad you're in it with me. Let's get into today's conversation.

Defining What A Message Means

Alexandria 1:33

Welcome back to Renovating the Soul. I'm your host, Alexandria Robinson, and I'm so glad that you're here. I hope you all are enjoying the season and having as much fun as I am. As we always do, we're gonna start with our definition because words matter. I need to define what I mean by message because I know someone is already thinking, or maybe it's just the overthinker in me putting it in my head that someone is thinking this. But I can hear it being a possible objection saying, But Alexandria, this whole podcast, my podcast, this podcast, right, is all about messages. Especially if you listen to this podcast the way we're talking about today, constantly waiting for the next episode instead of living the last one. So for today's conversation, a message is any idea, insight, or moment that comes from outside yourself that you believe is meant to guide, confirm, or direct your life. So as I said in the intro, that could be a prophecy, it could be a quote, it could be a sermon, an Instagram reel, an affirmation, a dream, your zodiac sign, astrology, or like a sign that anything that you look to for direction or confirmation. And I'm not talking about studying or building knowledge or reading good books or developing wisdom over time because those things require thought, wrestling, and learning, and that's just a different conversation entirely. And I want you to hear me because I'm also not saying that messages aren't real. They are. I believe in them, I've had them, right? And I think most of us have experienced moments where someone said exactly what we needed to hear or a quote landed at the perfect time. I've experienced that too. And I and I honestly I treasure those moments. This episode isn't about dismissing those messages or those moments. It's about asking what happens when the search for the next message becomes the thing keeping us from acting on the ones we've already received or what we already know, right? Because every new condition that we place on moving forward becomes another opportunity to stay exactly where we

Hiding From Prophets As A Kid

Alexandria 3:34

are. And here's where this gets personal for me because I know this all too well. Growing up in church, I was surrounded by prophets, right? And people who, you know, spoke words over your lives and you know, all of that. But I I was I was terrified. I was terrified of these prophets that would come. And when I was a little girl, I would hide under the pew at church. So in my family church that I grew up in, we had these long yellow pews with like wooden backs, and there's this little edge. So you have the bench, and then you have like an edge here and an edge here. And I would hide, I was tiny enough to hide on that little edge when the prophets would come to church because I was just I was terrified. I I would hide so that they couldn't see me or that they wouldn't be able to like call me out because that's what was happening. I was scared that they would tell me something bad or was gonna tell my parents something bad. I was scared to be pushed on the ground because if you know, you know, like I didn't want them to touch me. I was I was just terrified of it. And it's funny to me now because I'm like, as if they had anything to say to a little girl in elementary school anyway, right? But that was just the fear in me. That's just kind of what my perception was. And you also, if you didn't grow up in this way or you didn't grow up like in a charismatic church, I really want to paint this picture because the prophets were always so performative and dramatic. Like, first of all, black people in general are very performative and dramatic. But to be in a church setting with these prophets who are said to have like this word from God and this higher knowledge, it just took it to another level. And there was one prophet that would come, and he was, I was scared of him the most. For years, I was scared of him, and then we became really good buddies. But I was scared of him because he would come and he's a little man in stature, and the pews are they're not so far apart, but they're far apart enough that he shouldn't have been doing what he was doing. But he would walk the pews, like I'm not even kidding. I wish I could find a clip of this. But he would walk the pews with his little legs, like stretching, and I'm talking about he'll be stretched from one pew to the other one, like walking through with the mic, preaching and prophesying to people and laying hands like as a for a little child, that's terrifying. Like that, like what are you doing? Why are you doing that? And and it and and it also felt like these prophets, they had power, like they themselves had power to make you physically do something, right? Which is why I didn't want to be touched, or to say things over you whether they were true or not. And in our church, the way that it was is that it's not a big church, so you maybe had 40, 30 people, and usually the like when the prophets came, they were middle of the week services, and so everybody got a prophecy. You know, you could stand in line, right, and get your hands laid on and a word, and so it just felt like the prophets had this sort of authority. So I and I say that because as a little girl, I think that's what I was afraid of without being able to say it, that whatever this person said had to happen or couldn't happen, or whatever, like them acting like that, like God is making them act like this. And so I was I was terrified of it. And if you didn't grow up like this in church, then you might still be familiar with like Benny Hinn or seeing the prophets, the videos that where they be blowing on people and making them fall out. Now, I I have seen, I have seen a lot of stuff growing up in church. And so I have seen people do the blow and the fall and all of that stuff, but it wasn't as dramatic or unrealistic. It, you know, again, it's a family church, it's a small church, it's not hundreds of people, so there's still elements of it that felt very just normal.

From Fear To Craving Confirmation

Alexandria 7:13

But what's interesting is that somewhere between the little girl hiding under the pew and being afraid, and the woman I became, something completely flipped. Instead of avoiding messages, I started desperately wanting one. I'd go to church hoping and wishing that someone would stop me in the aisle or call me up to the altar, right? Like I wanted someone to give me a word, tell me what I was supposed to do with my life, where am I supposed to go? Who am I supposed to be? Instead of being, you know, scared and cowering, I'm walking in like please. I'm I'm still a little scared, right? Because again, you don't want to hear something bad, or you don't want someone to say something that isn't what you plan to do. Like, I didn't want somebody to tell me you should be a veterinarian and I don't even like animals, you know. So I there's still a fear there, but there was also just this longing for please tell me what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go. And it wasn't just in church, like I would scroll through quotes looking for the ones that would finally make everything click. I wanted dreams that told me exactly what to do because I believed that every dream that I had meant something. And I'm a very vivid dreamer. So I used to try to pull the meaning and the messages out of every single dream that I had. And I just looked for signs everywhere and anything. I'm like, oh, it's blue, then that means that just confirms that I should eat that blueberry. Like whatever it was, I was looking for it, right? And I think looking back on this now, what I really wanted was confirmation. Like I just said, I wanted someone to tell me that I was on the right path, that I was making the right decision, that I was dating the right person, that I was pursuing the right career, that I was going in the right direction. I think that I just wanted that assurance of, and it, and I didn't I didn't want the redirection. But it, but if you got redirection, then it felt like, okay, that's still confirmation that I wasn't doing the right thing and that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I believe that messages are real, as I've already said, and I've had moments where people said things they couldn't have known. I've had dreams that felt significant. I've had quotes that came at the right time or that just resonated with it with me so deep. You know, I've even laughed at fortune cookies because it somehow fit the moment perfectly. And, you know, I on Instagram still, I follow all the little pages and, you know, like the the I don't, I'm not a big per I'm not big into like zodiac signs and things, but you know, I look at what they say for Virgo or being born in August, you know, all of those things, right? But and this surprised me. Even when I got the message, it was almost never enough. Instead of bringing peace, sometimes it made me even more anxious. Because now I had one more thing to interpret, one more expectation to fulfill, one more thing to wonder if I was getting right. And like I said, for a long time, I believed that every message had to mean something. That if it came in my path, that if I seen it, that if someone said it to me, then it had to have meaning. Even when it didn't align with what I already knew to be true about myself, about what I wanted, right? Like I said, if someone would have told me I was supposed to be a vet in that season, I would have found a way to force it because that's that's how much I was trusting the messages and how much I was seeing every single message as something for me, right? And then I realized that if I was always searching for the next message, I never had to do anything with the one that I already have.

Message Overload In The Internet Age

Alexandria 10:36

And we can see this, right? Messages are new, they've been around for a long time. And when I say messages, I'm gonna talk more right here about like forms of communication, but within these forms of communication still come the messages. And so, you know, we don't mail stuff as much as we used to. I we mail stuff like products, but I'm talking about like written letters, you know, that you get in the mail. Or when I was little, you used to be able to sign up for like if you got something off a cereal box, you can sign up to get the message, the seat, the hidden message, the whatever, and they would mail it to you. Um, anyways, I'm saying that you could have got messages in all kinds of places. You could have got them in magazines. Um in the newspapers, they used to have like little well, and I know there are still newspapers, so I don't mean to say this as if they're not around. I just mean they're not as common where you could only get the newspapers, you're mainly communicating by mail and not by phone. That's kind of what I'm meaning to say. And so in the newspapers, they used to have, you know, quotes or people used to write in to people too to like ask them questions, and then you would have somebody that was responsible for that section of like responding back to you, and they had different names for it depending on where you lived or what newspaper you subscribe to. Used to look for messages in talk shows. Talk shows now are not as big as they used to be. The talk show used to be the center for your message, for like your next moment, for like what you're supposed to do with your life. Even if you weren't the person on the talk show, you're watching other people spill their drama, their gossip, their family troubles, their personal issues, right? And then in there was like this message that you just you can take away. And also, I think, you know, televangelists, right? With the televangelists, though, the messages ran and a lot of this stuff runs even through products. But I know for teleevangelists, those little infomercials that would come on at night where they're telling you to give $10 so you can get the prayer cloth or the little bottle of oil or whatever, right? That's because, again, it comes back to this idea that, you know, there's a message in this, there's something that you need for your life. There's something here to guide and direct you or to confirm what you're supposed to be doing, right? Now, while these forms of communication and messages have been around since, you know, the beginning of time, the internet has made these messages more accessible. Because, like I just said, when you had to mail a letter, you had to wait a little while before you got that letter, right? Or if you got somebody to mail you the thing, you know, get something in the mail, it took some time. But now we have this stuff in the palm of our hands. And I say the internet because it's not just social media, it's forums, blogs, websites, online journals, you know, it it's the internet. We're inundated with messages right in our laps, on our laptops, right in our palms. Like they're everywhere, right? And it and it doesn't matter if you're looking for it or not. And I want to make this clear that consuming a lot of messages is not the same as receiving the message. Because you can feel spiritually active or emotionally charged without taking a single step. And that's sometimes what consuming a lot of messages does for us and makes us feel it makes us feel like we're doing something, but you can feel fed without being nourished. More doesn't equal healthy. If you consumed every message you came across this week and acted on not one of them, then you didn't receive those messages, you just used them to feel better. Some seasons of our life make us more vulnerable to this than others. When your back is against the wall, when things are uncertain, when you don't know what's next, when you're in this messy middle, like we've been talking about in season three. That's when the pull toward the next message gets loudest.

The Self-Help Trap And Paid Promises

Alexandria 14:18

And I want to caution us to start paying attention because the entire industries are counting on us to stay in this pattern. And here's where we're gonna zoom out, and I'm gonna give you guys a little Alexandria rant, something that, you know, breaks my heart to see people falling for, but that, you know, I'll tell you guys my story in a second. But I would say that these industries they want you to stay in this place of vulnerability and longing and and and thinking that your back is against the wall, so you need something from outside of you. And I don't think that all of the in industries have ill intent. I don't think that every person within certain industries has ill intent. I think some have done great work, but I've also seen others harm, right? But every industry built around transformation has the same temptation to convince you that your breakthrough, that your moment, that your next level is just one purchase away, or one more book, or one more conference, or one more course, one more coach, or one more message and raise your hand if you've been a victim of Regina George. Yes, it's a mean girl's line, but yeah, it's like raise your hand if this is you, it's it's me. Like, I bought the workbooks, y'all. I purchased the online course, I have filled notebooks with pages of notes. And I would say that one of my most vulnerable times was early marriage 2020, and I bought this online course to do marketing for my brand, and it sucked. I was gonna put it like that. I was definitely bamboozled, and that's when the cover started coming off my eyes that I was like, these folks be on this internet lying. Like they just they be, and and it's funny because a lot of us have that same experience, but you don't see people go on to say like warn them or be like, don't do it, because I think for me, and I think I could imagine someone else might felt this way, you kind of ration it as, well, it didn't help me, but maybe it's helping someone else. No, no, no. They they just taking your money and they're trying to sell you this idea again that like this is what you need to level up or to you know become the person you want to become. And so it wasn't just buying that course, but I was reading books by this one lady, and I I mean that was probably one of the seasons where I was like so longing for it. But in general, I would want to go to these conferences, I would be looking up ticket prices and flights and hotels, and I would be convincing myself that maybe this would be the thing that finally changed everything. And then when I wasn't able to go, because in that season, we didn't have the finances for me to spend thousands of dollars to go to a conference to hear people give me, like, you know, these little messages, these little feel-good messages to make me feel good about myself, but that really gave me no action steps or really didn't set me up. We just didn't have the money to do it, but that didn't change anything. I my husband could have given gave me every objection and you know, was like, girl, don't fall for that. And I'm just like, no, but I just I need this, like I need this because there's something there. There I I'm listening to them, listen to these messages, and it's just like, no. When I was there and I couldn't go to the conferences or I couldn't go to the workshops, and I would, you know, stock the social media pages trying to get whatever little crumbs I could get, right? And then doing this episode, I started to realize that consumption began to feel like progress. That when I read the self-help books, that when I attended the courses, that when I whatever the way, you know, when I got the prophecies, like it made me feel so good. It made me feel like, okay, this is a step in the right direction, but none of what I was doing was the same as changing. That's why I said earlier that you can feel fed without being nourished. And these industries, their model, it only works if you keep believing that the answer is still somewhere outside of you. It only works when you're vulnerable and you're searching and you're desperate and you feel like they have an answer that you yourself don't have or you yourself can't find. Then it becomes incredibly easy to get hooked because you begin trusting everyone else's expertise more than the evidence you've collected from your own life. You start believing that the answers, the power, or the insight belong to someone else instead of recognizing that by this point in your life, you've probably accumulated far more wisdom than you give yourself credit for. You've probably gone through enough things in life to know what to do and what not to do. Right? And I say this in two parts because, like I said, it's a hard thing for me that I'm a very much a self-help girly. I'll still read a self-help book, you know, I'll still go to church, like all of these things, right? But I that really weighs on my heart because I watch people who are in similar seasons that I was in longing for the message and being sucked into these systems. And a lot of times it leads you again back to paying more, paying more, paying more, right? It always usually turns around to a product, something they're trying to sell you. What I'm trying to do here is different. And I I'm not saying that to put myself above anyone, but to be clear with you all about my intentions. I'm not trying to get you to buy into me. I'm trying to get you to buy into yourself. But I don't mean that in a way where I'm secretly dropping crumbs, and then you realize, oh my gosh, I'm I'm back in her system. I'm back at no, I don't have a system to sell you. If I ever started doing, you know, which which is a goal, right? To do like in-person events or to, you know, maybe walk with people or have a book one day, it's not to sell you guys a perfect step-by-step thing. It's going to be the same as what I've been saying. That you as a human have what you need. You have a soul, you have a brain, you have experience, and that's what I have, right? I have a soul, I have a brain, I have experiences, and I'm choosing to learn from them instead of constantly looking for someone else to explain me to me. And that's what I'm inviting you into. Not my system, but your own evidence, your own life, your own ability to recognize what's already been true all along. And if you're identifying with what I'm saying, I don't want you to beat yourself up

Why Our Brains Make Signs Everywhere

Alexandria 20:36

about it. I don't want you to start counting all the coins you didn't spend, right, or all the books you didn't read, or all the, you know, I don't want you to start, you know, going down the list, although I think it's good to reflect, but I don't want you to beat yourself up about it because our brains are literally designed to look for patterns. We're constantly trying to make sense of what's happening around us. We're constantly trying to close loops that we don't understand. So it's not a character flaw or a mistake, it's biology. It's not something that's inherently wrong with you, it's how you're made up. So you don't have to sit around and feel bad and you know, like I was saying, count up all the money or beat yourself up. That's not what I'm asking you to do, right? But I am saying that when you're searching hard, when when you go out looking, you're bound to find something. And sometimes, often, you start making something out of nothing. So while yes, it is in our biology, it is how we're made up, we have to be aware that that is how we're made. It's a human thing, it's not an Alexandria thing, or it's a human thing, it's not a just a me thing that I'm going to do this, right? But again, because we are constantly looking to close those loops, because we're constantly trying to understand the things around us, right? Sometimes we can make things appear. Here that don't exist. And although I keep talking about how this is heightened, like in our most vulnerable seasons or in our messy middle, this is also something we need to be aware of at any times of our lives if we're doing it unknowingly. If it's unchecked, it doesn't matter if you're up or if you're down. It's still something that can lead you into places that you don't want to be, or to make decisions that aren't necessarily the right ones, right? And this is why this is a little side note, but this is why I tell people don't go searching through a significant other's phone. Why? Because you're bound to find something. And I don't mean that there will be something there. I'm just saying that when you're looking hard enough, you'll start connecting dots that may not belong together. You'll see a text message from a number you don't recognize, and thank you so much. And then you here goes your mind. And this happens all the time in our lives, right? You see positive signs. Oh, and I and I feel lifted. Then you see something negative, right? Or some or a hiccup happens in your life, or a setback, or something goes wrong, and then suddenly that feels like a sign too. Does that make sense? Like you you could see, okay, you got this job, and you're like, oh my gosh, it's a sign that my life is in the right direction, right? Something happens in your life, right? Alone doesn't go through, or which is true for my experience when I was at Clark Atlanta, right? You're you're struggling uh to get into school, and it feels like the struggle is a sign that you shouldn't be doing it, but that may not be the sign, right? Like, and so that's what I mean when I'm saying that when you're looking for something, when you're looking for the message, when you're looking for something to guide you and direct your life or confirm that you're on the right path, whether you're looking for something positive or negative, you'll find it. Even if you're not looking for something to be positive or negative, you'll make something out of nothing.

When Obstacles Become False Instructions

Alexandria 23:58

And I watched someone close to me go through this at Clark and Lane University. He had a dream of working in law enforcement, very clear direction, knew what he wanted to do with his life, and then the obstacles came. A car accident, lost his car, um, his apartment was flooded, relationships that got strained, you know, friendships, you know, you come into college, you you you make friends, and as quickly as you make them, is as quickly as they go, right? It was just one thing after another for him. The issue was that he and and and myself, the way that we kind of grew up is like when you're convinced that life speaks to you primarily through signs, then those obstacles don't just feel like obstacles anymore. They start feeling like instructions. And because of the way that he and I were raised, right? This framework that we grew up with around signs and messages, like I, you know, been telling you guys about, and the people closest to him started to read all of it as confirmation that that college wasn't for him. Not necessarily the law enforcement path, no, but that college wasn't for him. They had already had like secret doubts and kind of didn't want him to leave, you know. And so that was already in their mind, but I don't think he could see that at the time. All you're listening to is when you're calling people back home for advice and you're telling them what's going on, they're like, oh, that's a sign you ain't supposed to be doing this. Oh, that oh, you facing all that? No, you need to come back home. So he went back home. He walked away from his dreams. And years later, he regrets that decision. And now he's back trying to start over, working toward the same career path that he left behind 10 plus years ago. Because none of those things were signs that he wasn't supposed to be there. It was just life. And now he's back trying to do this, and it and it's I don't want to say I I guess yeah, I'm gonna be honest. It's harder. It is harder when you're married and you have children and you're not as young anymore, you're not as youthful, right? Versus, and I think that's why the idea is that you go from high school and then you go into college because you're younger, you have more stamina, you, you know, you you don't have all those responsibilities yet. And so now in this season, trying to get back on a path that you left so long ago, it is more difficult now. But all of that was just life. It wasn't a sign that you quit. No, that's that's how that's how what? The diamonds are made, right? From the pressure. And that's the thing about life. It's full of highs and lows, obstacles and setbacks, things that go wrong at the worst possible time. Y'all know that, right? But the sign was never to stop. The sign said this is what it costs to get where you're going. And my husband said something to me recently that stuck with me. If you train your mind to see signs and wonders or messages and everything, you'll find them everywhere, including against you. I've been doing the same thing. And the reason actually, the reason why he was saying that was because I was like, when anything goes wrong with this podcast, that must be a sign I'm not supposed to do it. But he's like, if you already have trained yourself to think that that's what it's gonna be, then that's what it is. That oh, a technical mistake all of a sudden is a message that you shouldn't be doing that. That's not, no, it's a technical, it's a technical mistake. Right? My I didn't charge my phone last night. And I when I when I got up this morning, I said, now how did I it's it was on the charger, but the plug wasn't in, probably because one of my kids stepped on it. But I didn't recognize it because I was so tired. And when I got up this morning, I started, I said, and I did say in my head, I said, if it ain't one thing, it's another. Or it's always something, one of those things that I said. But then I quickly had to remind myself, listen, what would that stop? It doesn't stop anything. You know what I did? Brought my charger to the studio. Charge my phone. You know what? I don't even need my phone. I don't need my phone, right? So it's like I could either make something out of nothing, I could see something into everything, right? I think there's another reason that we keep looking for one more message.

Certainty Versus Responsibility

Alexandria 28:00

And I don't think it's always because we we we want certainty. I don't think that's the only reason. In fact, I don't think many things only have one reason. But I think another reason is that certainty feels lighter than responsibility. Because if someone else tells me what to do, if the prophet tells me, the coach tells me, the mentor tells me, the expert tells me, then I don't have to carry the full weight of trusting my own judgment. If we go back to me and my story of like longing for the messages and looking for the prophets and reading all of the quotes, right? If someone had told me what to do, then I didn't have to carry the weight of trusting myself. If I was wrong, it really wasn't my decision. I was just following the message. And if it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, well, I was just, they told me they did it. Right? Like it's on them. And I've had, you know, messages like I said, I, you know, come and things be said to me. And then when it didn't happen, I was like, well, I didn't say it to myself, I didn't ask for that. So almost longing for the message is bigger than just wanting the certainty. It's easier to take the certainty than it is to take the responsibility. But eventually, that responsibility has to become yours. And for me, it had to become mine too, right? That instead of seeing a setback as a cosmic message, it's a setback. You fix what you can, you learn what you need to, and you move forward. And the thing is, the anxiety of the unknown future doesn't disappear because someone tells you what's coming. Remember, I told y'all when I would get those messages, or somebody would give me a word, a prophecy, a quote, it it felt like more pressure, more anxiety, more even frustration, because now I'm trying to interpret. So, what they mean? What does this mean now? How do I, what did that dream mean, right? Like, so it doesn't go away the anxiety of not knowing what to do next or wanting direction in your life, it doesn't go away just because someone tells you what to do or what's coming. No, it begins to disappear when you trust what you've already been given, what you've already endured, and what you've already learned about yourself. So if the messages aren't the answer and chasing confirmation is costing you, what do you use instead? You return

Return To Your Evidence And Receipts

Alexandria 30:22

to your evidence. And when I say evidence, I mean the receipts of your own life. The things you've done, survived, chosen, and built. You could call it proof, you can call it testimony. It's what you know from living your life. And yes, through living life, you will find out, you know what, I actually don't want to do that. You know what? I actually want to do this instead. You know what? Through trying this thing out and it's not working, or I go and I do a pottery class, I realize I don't like it. I took a bartending class, I just did it willy-nilly, found out I'm great with my hands. It's not surprising, but it was just like, oh wow, never thought that bartending would be a thing. Like you learn and you gather your evidence as you live your life. By the time most of us are adults, we have evidence. Real evidence, not just about humanity in general. We talked about that in the last episode, but I mean evidence about you specifically. Evidence of who you are and who you're not, what you like and what you don't, your highs and lows, the general direction that you want to go in, the evidence that even when life doesn't go as planned, you learn from it, you pivot when necessary, and you keep going. One of the things that I got caught up in too when looking for a new message was also searching for my purpose. And this is something I'm only gonna tease here. I'll have to come back and talk more about it with y'all later. But in this search for my purpose and people constantly telling me, you have to find your purpose, you have to find your purpose. I don't mean like personal people, I just mean like all the again, messages out there, right? The conferences, the books, everything's geared toward this like purpose thing. My brand was called Purposely Royal. I think I've talked about this a little bit before. And this search for that purpose distracted me more from actually living, from actually just doing. Because I was constantly like, what is my purpose? What am I purpose? I gotta find my purpose. I'm looking for my purpose, I'm searching for my purpose. I'm listening to all the workshops, trying to find my purpose, but then I never got out and actually lived to figure out what do I want to do. It wasn't until actually living, actually getting outside, actually trying stuff, that I got again, like we're talking about the evidence of like, oh yeah, I want to do that. No, I get to choose what I want to do, right? Because again, we talked about this with law school. Not getting into law school could have been a sign and a message to me that, oh, and I almost went there, y'all, but you know, I came back. But it could have been a sign and a message to me that, okay, this isn't for you, or you're not gonna be a good lawyer, or this was never meant for you, right? But that's not what it was. It's life. It's a rejection, it's a setback, right? It but again, on the other side, it's time, right? And and and guess and I've learned so much from even doing it the way that I did that now going into it again, if I decide to go into it again, I've collected the evidence, the data about what do I want to do, how do I want to do it, how do I want to show up, right? That I don't have to take it as, oh, that's not that's not my purpose, that's not meant for me. No, I get to decide that. I get to decide that based on this the decisions that I make and the life that I live. And I want to say this next part with love and with holding your hand. This only works if you're being honest with yourself. I am not asking you to lie because evidence isn't the story you wish were true. It's the story that's there when you look at your life with clear eyes. That means that not everything is good and that's okay. And when I say not everything is good, I mean that you haven't always written made the right decisions. That you yourself have gotten you into places that you shouldn't have been in. It's still evidence. That's why we do the work we do on this podcast, so that when moments like this come, we know how to look at ourselves honestly, not trying to create the person that we want to be, but being honest about who we are and who we've been. That doesn't mean you can't work towards being a better person or even a different person. But you have to acknowledge that right now, that's not who I am. Right now, I'm not the person that always had good judgment. Right now, I'm the person who always sought after the messages and never did anything with the last one. And that's okay. It's still evidence. And I think part of where we've gotten confused is that we've been taught to look for evidence in, I don't want to call it like wrong places, but I let's just call it different places.

Real Evidence Lives In Small Choices

Alexandria 34:55

A title, a degree, a promotion, a new car, a resume, a follower account, you know, someone else's approval, right? That look, I got my new car, and then that that's like evidence that, oh, that person's on the up and up, but they could have definitely taken out a loan. It doesn't mean they're up. We've been taught sometimes to look at evidence in these milestones, right? And don't get me wrong, they matter, right? These are great things we're celebrating. It's exciting. I'll celebrate with you, but they aren't the only evidence that matters. Because the blueprint existed long before anyone official ever handed you anything. Your evidence lives in the small choices, often the things that nobody applauded. Your evidence also lives in the generational patterns, the things you've inherited, the environment you grew up in. But they can live in these smaller moments, the midnight planning that no one saw, the thing you built without permission or a manual, the conversations you have with yourself after making a really hard decision, choosing not to text that ex, finally having the difficult conversation, going to therapy, apologizing, setting a boundary, walking away, or even staying, right? One step at a time, one choice a day, that is evidence too. Hold on to not just what you've heard and read, but what you've seen and lived. The evidence of what's real and what can be done, that's not mystical, that's testimony. And when you stop outsourcing that testimony to other people, when you stop waiting for someone else to hand you back your own story, a shift can happen. Because every time you trust the evidence you've honestly collected, you're practicing trust. And maybe, maybe that's kind of what this has been about all along. Not messages, not signs, not quotes, not zodiac signs, but power. Because every time we believe someone else is more qualified to interpret our lives than we are, we hand them a little more of our power. And I'm simply asking you to start taking it back.

The Unsellable Houses Blueprint

Alexandria 37:07

Now we're going to go to our blueprint segment for this episode. There's a show that I told you guys about in season one called Unsellable Houses with twin sisters, Lindsay and Leslie. Lindsay handles the design, and Leslie handles the market and the numbers. Um, and Lindsay will make design choices that genuinely startle Leslie, and it's actually quite hilarious. And and sometimes I sit back and I look and I'm like, what is she gonna do with that, right? But more often than not, it works. Why? Because Lindsay trusts her eye. She trusts the experience that she's built over years of doing the work. She trusts what she's learned, even when the person standing right next to her can't see it. Leslie's doubt isn't proof that Lindsay is wrong. It's simply proof that not everyone has the same eye. Not everyone has access to what Lindsay knows. And that's what we've been talking about today. We stop looking outside ourselves for one more message, and we stop letting outside doubt override the evidence we've already collected. Because your evidence will always outweigh the opinion of someone who has never lived your life. Trust what you know, build from it, and move forward. I am deeply convicted by the things that I share here. If I'm not convicted by it, I'm not saying it. And I'm still course correcting in a lot of areas of my life. And you guys know sometimes I come and I'm like, we're gonna explore this topic together, but this one I know. I've lived long enough now to have evidence. Enough evidence to say with conviction that you don't need another message. You need to trust the ones you've already been given. You need to trust the evidence that you already have. At this point in your life, you probably have enough messages to feel a little lake or something, right? You don't need any more. You don't need someone else or another sign or another quote or another zodiac message to tell you what you should be doing. Sometimes we know what we should be doing. I should be writing that book, I should be making that music, I should be teaching.

Healing Means Earning Self-Trust

Alexandria 39:14

Just do it, right? Because when I stop searching for the next message, when I stop logging onto social media hoping something lands, when I stop going to church with my soul on edge, waiting for a word, and I just trust the evidence I've already collected, my soul gets quiet. I'm less on edge. I'm more at peace. My nervous system isn't in a constant state of expecting and then being disappointed when I don't get the message or when it doesn't land like I thought it would. Like it's you, you you are looking for it, right? You're expecting it. But when I take that expectation away and I just live and I let life happen and I use what I already know, no longer can things even control me in that way, like I was talking about with those industries. No longer am I going in and, you know, buying the courses and being almost bamboozled by all of these people trying to be experts in my life because I'm the expert of my life. And just to be clear, I still follow the affirmation pages, I still share quotes, I still listen to podcasts, sermons, and TED Talks. Like those things didn't disappear from my life, but my relationship to them changed. They're no longer a lifeline. Sometimes they're encouraging, sometimes they're interesting, sometimes they're just fun. But I'm not waking up every morning going, okay, let me read my Zodiac sign. This is the direction for my life. They're telling me I'm gonna be this. Even my aura ring. My aura ring, I go and I wake up in the morning and it says, um, here's your readiness, right? And they might give me a 70, but I don't feel like a 70. And I'm like, you know what? That ain't my message for the day. I'm I'm still going to feel how I want to feel, right? And so yeah, it's okay to have the things and listen to the messages, right? Sometimes they reflect something I've already been seeing in my own life, but I no longer feel like every message has to become my assignment, or that every message has a meaning, or that every message is something that's going to guide me or direct me. I don't attach myself to it so tightly now that it starts pulling me whichever way that it wants to go. And I get to put myself to the test. I get to look at the evidence I have about who I am and trust it. And when I trust it, I get to see that I can do this. That's what healing is about. Not just feeling better, not just surviving, not just thinking differently. Healing is becoming someone whose own judgment you can increasingly rely on. Healing is becoming someone who has earned their own trust. The next message you need isn't coming from outside you. It's already in everything you survived, everything you've learned, everything you've already been given. So you don't need a new bat message. Thank you for listening. Until next time, let's keep doing the work to renovate this song.